Tag journey

Accept the Mission

caravanofcomposition 5 Comments

Monday after my favorite annual conference:
I AM EXTREMELY PUMPED TO DO ALL THE WRITERLY THINGS!!
Also: SO MUCH LAUNDRY!!

This year’s Pennwriters Conference theme was Mission Possible. I drove down with one of my writer friends and we had an amazing weekend. We hung out with other writer friends, made new connections, and learned about craft, the industry, and how to cope with rejection. We slept very little and laughed a lot.

Some highlights: I was able to spend twenty minutes in a one on one session with agent Louise Fury. I pitched her last year and used her advice to rework my title and complete a round of revisions on my manuscript. She remembered me and agreed that my previous title was terrible. (She thought the new one sounded much better–phew!) She read through my query, synopsis, and first pages and gave me solid, helpful advice. I’ve been dipping my toe into querying this project and feel confident to jump in with both feet.

I also got great advice from other industry professionals about where my story fits in the world. This is somewhat of a mystery as it is historical fiction with teenage protagonists and have always thought it should be YA. But I’m reconsidering whether or not that is the best place. While I love writing for teens, this particular book may be best suited for a different audience.

I took a course on branding; we had to sign up in advance and the instructor googled us ahead of time to identify what she saw as our current brand. I use my “pen name” (which is just a shortened version of my last name) when I write, and she googled my full name, which leads to links of my life as a teacher and my old blog. No surprise, my brand label was “PROCRASTINATOR”. I had a good laugh over that one, and so did hubby. But times are changing (YES, YES THEY ARE), and I plan to launch a shiny new website in the next month or so. Once I figure out what I want my brand to be.

One of the best things about the conference is connecting with other people. I know, I know, that sounds strange coming from a self-proclaimed introvert. But the people of Pennwriters are a friendly, caring bunch. Two years ago I drove down to Lancaster alone and was terrified of making small talk with strangers. But I discovered that SO WERE A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE. I’ve learned to recognize that particular fear on someone else’s face. That, HOLY CRAP I DON’T KNOW ANYONE HERE, NO ONE WILL WANT TO TALK TO ME/SIT WITH ME/BE MY FRIEND. The moment you realize you aren’t alone in your fear is a sort of freeing experience. One of the things I learned is that it’s okay to have those feelings, and if you keep pushing forward you will figure out how to work through them.

It’s true for a lot of things, really. I attended a session on rejection and the speaker talked about the physical and psychological effects of rejection and how we need to keep moving forward. The thing we want is in the distance–it may be right in front of us or far out of reach, but every step we take is a step closer to that goal. If we stop, if we let fear or hurt or self-doubt creep in and take over, then we’ll never get there. We have to accept the mission and know it is possible.

The board above my writing desk is decorated with things that inspire me. Pictures of my family. Pins I’ve collected. Encouraging words that lift my spirits. Here are a few of my favorite sayings, one from a bookmark, one from a fortune cookie, and one from my hairdresser:

It’s not being without fear, it’s having the determination to go on in spite of it.

It is better to attempt something great and fail than attempt to do nothing and succeed.

Success is available to everyone.

I am already counting down the days until next year’s conference. In the meantime, I have a lot to do. Apply the notes from Louise, send out my next batch of query letters, and work on launching my website. Stay tuned.

Week four of camp: What really counts

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My stats for Camp NaNoWriMo are embarrassing. However, I am proud of the fact that I blogged every week, which is a goal I set for myself in late March. And while writing often slips down to the bottom of my to-do list, it has not fallen off completely, even if my desk is a mess of all things not related to writing, and I spend far to much time wandering around my house completely overwhelmed by the stuff that seems to multiple while I sleep.

Data is great. It helps with identifying a problem and measuring the success of implemented strategies (wow, I totally sounded like an administrator right there). Data can also make you feel worthless, like when I look at my project statistics and the bulls-eye that barely made it through the second outer ring.

I taught special education in middle school for four years. During my second year, our building was in danger of a massive restructuring and forced to focus a ridiculous amount of time and energy on improving test scores. My small group of students were reading below grade level. Way below grade level. To go from a 1 to a 3 (out of 4) on their state tests was not reasonable despite the desperate pleas of my administration, and I struggled to find ways to help them feel successful. In the weeks leading up to the tests, I set individual, attainable goals for each student, worked on skills that would help them do better — and here’s the most important part — taught them how to be calm and confident during a testing situation. Not focus on what they couldn’t accomplish, but rather what they could. I’m happy to say that many of my students improved on their previous scores, and we celebrated the success — even though their scores were still below the “acceptable” level.

I am a bit ashamed by the lack of overall progress during camp but happy to say that my percentage accomplished went from 27.6% in July to 36.9% in April. An improvement. And while my final day of working on the camp project was spent deleting more words than adding new ones, I decided that what really counts is forward momentum. Not giving up. I will continue to write, continue to work on my WIP, continue to participate in the monthly writing challenges.

What really counts is attitude. Confidence. Belief in yourself no matter the obstacle. My students were told they were the lowest performers in the school, but they refused to let a number dictate what they were capable of accomplishing. In my current job, I see adults return to school after years of working, raising a family, overcoming illness — they sit in my office and tell me they are finally ready to earn their degree and will do whatever it takes.

What really counts is determination.

 

Week three of camp: Balance

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Total word count this week: 504 words. Grand total after three weeks: 2492 words.

Perhaps I should have made my goal a teeny bit lower.

I’ve made peace with my need to set the bar higher than reasonable. Have I learned my lesson? Maybe. Ask me again in July when the next session of camp comes around and I decide the night before that I’ll be able to write/revise way more than I allow myself time for.

It has been a stressful few weeks at work. I’m not sleeping well. Schedules shift with the season, and change makes me anxious.

But.

Tonight is a gorgeous spring evening. I dropped kiddo off at his last indoor soccer practice, walked down the street to a local coffee shop, and am sitting in the warm late day sun, happy to breathe fresh air and have these precious moments to spend with words and a delicious cup of ginger mint tea.

Life brings me down sometimes. Tries to pull me under with both the mundane and the soul crushing. Writing has always been an escape. For years I journaled, poured my teenage/early twenties angst onto page after page, book after book. Wrote poems that I read now and have to laugh at the shear drama of it all. When life stopped requiring regular mental purging, I turned to fiction and found release in the stories of people who took up residency in my brain. (Apparently they didn’t get the memo that it’s crazy in there.)

Sometimes, writing brings me down too. The pressure I put on myself to write more, write better, find an agent, get published. Create a brand.

You know what I’d like my brand to be?

Balance.

Me, standing in tree pose, roots firmly in the Earth, hands extended to the sky. Strong. Not falling over. Giving love to my family, my friends, myself. Giving my all at work, but then leaving it there. Giving my all on the page, but not worrying about perfection. Getting into nature and being one with the sights, the smells, the sounds. Dancing when the music moves me. Being still.

I sat down once this week to work on my new project. Distractions continue to haunt me, brought on by fatigue, a lack of self-discipline, time. It’s okay. I wrote once, and once is better than nonce. I’m happy with how things are going and feel like I have a decent amount of momentum. There is one final week left in camp, and this week is crazy busy, so I don’t see a miraculous race to the finish happening.

But.

My camp mate is coming in from out of town at the end of the week. The three members of our cabin along with a couple other awesome writing peeps are getting together. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate the end of this mini journey.

Sometimes you sit alone in a coffee shop (or outside of one) and type away into the void, and sometimes you hang out with friends and laugh until your sides hurt. I expect to do a bit of both this week.

Balance.

 

Week two of camp: Working backward

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Princess Bride is one of my favorite movies as it contains many quotes applicable to real life situations (as does one of my other faves, Real Genius). An example:

Inigo makes it sound so easy. “A” is happening, so we must do “B”, and then “C”, but not before I do “D”. Ah, the perfect plot prescription.

I’ve struggled to settle into the plot of my new project. I know what I want to write about and have a rough idea of how to get there, but I’m pretty sure someone tossed the road map out the window. Wait, there never was a road map. Who uses road maps anymore?

Enter my Camp NaNoWriMo cabin mates. There are only three of us in our self-proclaimed “Cabin of Fun”, but three brains are better than one and seeing as mine seems to be stuck like a record player needle (record players? see note above regarding road maps), I need all the help I can get.

The other day we chatted about zero drafts, another way to describe when you gather up information for what will eventually become your first draft. Reading, researching, jotting ideas down in various journals and then forgetting where you left the journals, stream of consciousness writing that will hopefully lead you to the place you need to be. It’s all an important part of the process. But so often we want to rush through it to get to the YAY, WORD COUNTS! LOOK AT ALL I ACCOMPLISHED! part of the writing. Which I have been feeling. Hard. I desperately want the little arrow on my target to inch closer to the bulls eye. We’re halfway through the month and I am hovering around 10%.

I promised in last week’s post that I would keep moving forward. And I did.

No, wait. I didn’t. I moved backward.

Lemme ‘splain.

My cabin mate suggested I think about what happens in the end of my story and work backward. There are two main plot threads, one in real time and one through a series of flashbacks. She said I need to start with where my character is at the end, then figure out how she got there, and how she got into each previous situation. Cause and effect in reverse. She said he helps her identify potential plot holes and makes it easier to create an outline and from there a first draft.

Sounded legit, so I tried it.

I didn’t add any new words to the story itself this past week, but I wrote approximately 360 words in my journal using her exercise. It helped me see the big picture better. And I’m excited about using the plot points to move forward with the draft. Which may end up being a zero draft. Right now it is one giant chapter that jumps all over the place. Most of it will be cut, but in those pages I hope to find something worthwhile.

When you feel like there is too much and you need to sum up, try doing it backwards.